The Mass-Adventures of the Anderson Toddlers (Redux) ...

... or "How a Homecoming of Sorts Instantly Turned Into a Cause for Extreme Parental Mortification".

We are back in Virginia for about 10 days visiting with family and friends (as well as making an appearance at the office). Yesterday (Sunday, 13 August), we decided to attend Mass at our former parish in Columbia, Virginia - St. Joseph's Shrine of St. Katharine Drexel.

Before Mass, the kind, elderly gentleman who serves as usher as well as care-taker for the parish asked me if my 4-and-a-half-year-old and my 2-and-a-half-year-old would take forward the gifts and if I would take forward the offering basket after the collection. I hesitated for a moment - knowing the potential pitfalls that could possibly lay in wait for my 2 accident-prone boys - but I consented.

BIG ... BIG ... BIG mistake!

During the collection, the gentleman came up to the balcony - which is where we traditionally sat when we attended this very small parish - to pass the collection basket and tapped me on the shoulder to let me know it was time to go down to take forward the gifts.

The balcony staircase comes down directly into the narrow center aisle of the church. Just to the left of the staircase (as you're coming down the stairs), in the middle of the church's center aisle, stands a tall, slender, top-heavy table stand upon which sits the unconsecrated bread and wine.

Before I even had a chance to get out of the pew with my 2-and-a-half-year-old, my 4-and-a-half-year-old bounded down the stairs after the usher. I got halfway down the stairs just in time to watch with horror as my 4-and-a-half-year-old, in his rush to get down the stairs, missed the final 2 steps, fell to the floor of the center aisle, and then staggered up and backwards into the table stand holding the gifts.

Table and all crashed to the floor, spilling the bread and wine all over the center aisle.

For what seemed like 30 seconds, all I could do was bury my face in my hands. Sarah shortly came down to see what the commotion was all about. When she discovered the mess and saw the guilty look on his face, she grabbed our 4-and-a-half-year-old to reprimand him. I let her know that it was an accident caused by his falling down the stairs.

While the ushers scurried out the door to replenish the supply of bread and wine, I finally got over the initial shock and helped several of the men who were cleaning up the mess. Not surprisingly, the usher handed me the bread and wine to carry forward and allowed the boys to carry the collection basket.

Fortunately, the parish's wonderful priest, Father Alan, has a good sense of humor. I've been told that he struggled to keep a straight face throughout the ordeal. He gently smiled at us as we brought the gifts forward.

After Mass, as we gathered for coffee and snacks in the parish hall, one parishioner cracked "Well, the Andersons are back."


Previous Pro Ecclesia posts on this subject:
The Mass-adventures of the Anderson Toddlers (March 21, 2005)

The Mass-adventures of the Anderson Toddlers (March 27, 2005)